My sister is a hoarder. I really don’t know how else to put it. I’ve taken photos and have shown other people and they all agree that she is as well. My partner is incredibly uncomfortable whenever we have to go to my house to pick up something I might have forgotten, and he is always frightened by how her mess is so profound that she can’t even shut her bedroom door.
She and trips on her way out of her room. I even heard her once say, after she stumbled and caught herself falling out of her bedroom, “That always happens.” Even at my messiest, I found myself stepping on things seldomly, and that usually resulted in that thing getting put away, not me propelling myself even further from the mess.
At 17, I’d think she’d be past this by now, wanting to keep her room clean, but apparently she hasn’t scared off any boys with her Smaug-like hoard, which befuddles me to no end.
I’ve mentioned to my mother that I really think my sister needs some sort of therapy or something to help her work through this, but she passes it off as a phase. To me it’s about going on to be about a 4 year phase then, with no signs of healing.
She even acts like a dragon about her hoard. If you bring it up, even in a gentle manner, she will suddenly be worked into an astonishing rage.
I put my foot down a couple of weeks ago. ‘No more driving my car unless I can’t see your messes after a cursory look through the house.’ To me that just meant out of sight, out of mind. If I can close her door when I have company, then she can relish in her dragon-like hoard. And then, there’s the added bonus that she keeps her mess picked up in the house. It’d be like a once a week quick tidying up. With the exception of her dirty clothes, she doesn’t leave a lot throughout the house much anymore, and we can all use polite reminders to put our things away. I’ve even lost my workboots and have been in a panic, only to eventually remember I took them off in the dining room instead of my bedroom. Anyway, to my new rule, she responded with, and I quote, “FINE.” She claims it’s a song lyric, but to me, a single word does not denote any sort of musical meaning, especially in a text based platform.
We didn’t go driving last week, she didn’t even ask, so I figured things were understood. I didn’t mention anything about it because I could see her mess from the hallway, she’d made no visible attempt to try to remedy her situation.
This week we were to meet with my grandparents for dinner. She comes stumbling out of her room talking about trying to find her driving log book to which I responded by pointing out that I could still see her mess, quite easily, so there was no point in looking for it. She got very angry and after trying to talk her down(I just wanted us to be on our way and out the door) I simply told her that if she couldn’t respect her own possessions well enough to take good care of them, how was I to be able to trust her to take care of my car behind the wheel. All I was asking was for her to really keep her mess in her room and out of everyone elses’ eye-shot. She wants to get her license by September, and I responded that her she could drive as much as she wanted if she met the conditions of the rule but unless they were met, no driving. To make the long story short, after my trying to make my point and her continually getting louder and louder, she hulked out and started kicking her own possessions back to try to shut her door.
After that demonstration proving my point of her not taking care of her things, I told her we were running late and we just needed to go. We left a moment or two after; I drove. But now, after that tantrum, I’m concerned that if she ever gets angry while driving my car, what’s to stop her from crashing it, or even worse, pulling over and taking her aggression out on my car in other ways?
Mother swears that she will get in there and clean it out(she’s been saying that for as long as it’s been like such) but I don’t think taking her things away will help her heal. She’s a hoarder and from all I’ve read they’re delicate people, oftentimes having endured a great loss and trying to cling onto possessions.